I know it’s a bit late but here’s a link to an interview that was conducted last summer. www.MennoMedia.org/UnderConstruction
How to Purchase
Richard Rohr responds to my critique of the “Warrior”
I hope the book Under Construction enjoys a wide reading. I am honored to be quoted in it, and I thank you for your personal vulnerability.
I rather totally agree with your critique of the warrior archetype. It still dominates most books on male spirituality, particularly those from the evangelical Christian world. They do not have enough of Francis, the mystical level, nor the Mennonites and Quakers in their resumes. I hope you did not hear me affirming that kind of warrior. I think we Catholics, bound by so many historically bound words, become masters at saying “This is what it really means!” while still maintaining the old word for the sake of continuity and not upsetting the old guard. (Protestant do not need to do that so much!).
There is also something mind expanding and memorable when we re-define any word, although I know it also has its limitations. That is why I probably would continue to use the image of “warrior’ (Ephesians 6:13-17), but I am also fully aware that males filled with testosterone, will pull it into their all-pervasive world view of domination instead of grace. It is probably just a judgment call, and I surely would not use warrior UNLESS I could re-define it spiritually.
Richard Rohr
MOvember
It took me till almost the middle of November but I finally joined the ranks of the moustache growing men. I’ve had a beard for the past 10 years so it was different from the usual scenario where men who are normally clean-shaven begin to grow a moustache. In my case I shaved off the beard and left a generous moustache down to my chin!
For the uninformed, MOvember has been a custom now for a few years to draw attention to prostate cancer, the most commmon form of cancer among men, and to stand in solidarity with those who have been diagnosed. In my case, I have a brother-in-law as well as a father-in-law who have received treatment and/or surgery for prostate cancer. Another brother-in-law is dying of pancreatic/liver cancer right now. Cancer is a reality for us in North America. It is the great equalizer. It strikes at random and affects all segments of our society.
MOvember is about growing hair while other awareness campaigns have certain colours of ribbons, etc. The growing of extra hair is an interesting phenomenon. I’ve always liked long hair and a beard. When my parents stopped dicatating my hair length and I was able to grow a beard [basically around the same time] I have had long hair and a beard. What is it about hair? Most women of course spend more time grooming their hair than most men do, but hair is a thing for men too! Some of us endure hair loss [My best friend is bald] and in this month it is particularly evident that we grow a wide variety of facial hair configurations.
My colleague and I have sometimes joked that we would like to introduce a new course on the theology of hair. It can represent lots of things for men: rebellion, conformity, status, masculinity, etc. This month it is about solidarity with other men and about awareness of our vulnerability as men.
Family rituals
I’m on the radio! You can check it out online at www.shaping families.com
Here’s the introduction to the program.
THIS WEEK’S PROGRAM — Families Under Construction.
Gareth Brandt calls his book, “The men’s book for men who don’t read men’s books by an author who didn’t.” It is called, Under Construction: Reframing Men’s Spirituality (Herald Press, 2009).As the guest on Shaping Families this week, he tackles why men often seem to relate best to each other around sports, why they are more than just “babysitting” when involved in childcare, and how parents can enhance their family life by establishing certain rituals unique to their family.
Gareth is a theology professor, a father, a husband, and newly, a “men’s” writer and speaker.
Men in groups
Men are lone rangers, but even Lone Ranger had his Tonto. Although history is dominated by individual male leaders, it is also littered with men who have tried to go it alone and have failed miserably in life and relationships. We need others. My book actually started as an experimental men’s group. Now, a few years later we are still meeting once a month. My book includes a discussion guide at the back for men’s groups that need some guidance or something to get them started, but it is not so much what men do when they get together that is most important. The most important thing is that men simply get together. Some groups have a set agenda or a formal study while others simply get together for a pint and talk about life. I’d be interested to hear what various men’s groups are like. What do you do? Why and where do you get together? What is most meaningful? What is frustrating?
Mennonite Boys Can Cook Too
The recent internet and publishing phenomenon [at least in
the Mennonite world], “Mennonite Girls Can Cook” has got me thinking. I know
that traditionally in Mennonite homes [and probably in most homes of the world],
women have been the primary hosts and cooks, but let’s get with the times. This
is 2011. Today there are a lot of “stay-at-home-dads” as well as men like me
who work full-time outside the home [so does my wife] who prepare slow-cooker
meals in the morning or can’t wait to get home to cook for the family after
work. In our household we actually attempt to share cooking and clean-up duties
with our teen and young adult children as well.
Barbequing has traditionally been a man’s domain, but I’m
talking about more than that. I’m talking about intensive cooking with recipe
books and the whole kitchen thing here. By the way, recipe books frustrate me.
For example, how big is a medium onion compared to a large onion? It’s all
relative. And do I have to measure all the herbs and spices with a tiny 1/8
teaspoon? It’s ridiculous! So in the spirit of men cooking, I’ll offer my own man’s
version of one of my favorite recipes found in that Mennonite standard, the More With Less Cookbook.
First of all, “Baked Lentils with Cheese” is a really
boring name, and especially to sell it to children, it needs something more
exciting. Leaving out words like “lentils” and emphasizing words like “cheese”
can also help. I make a lot of leftover soups and things [impossible to do
recipes] but they always have to have a name that causes curiosity and
intrigue. Because of the herbs and spices and the origin of lentils in the near
east I will call this one a “Mediterranean Cheese Bake” but you can use
whatever works in your household.
Directions:
Get a 9 X 13 pan [a casserole dish will work too]. More With Less, and internet recipes of
this dish, call for a complicated process of baking various ingredients for
various times, but to simplify things I just throw everything below into the
baking dish all at once, other than the cheese, and mix it around, cover it
with tin foil, and bake it for a bit longer than directions usually tell you.
[I like my food dead and done.] Bake this for about 1 hour 15 minutes at 375. Then
take the tin foil off and cover with cheese and bake for another 5-10 minutes.
Ingredients:
2 cups water
1 3/4 cups green lentils [although other colors work too]
A can of cut up tomatoes [14+ oz], tomato sauce [10+ oz] or
3 baseball size tomatoes cut up
1 bay leaf [do not discard; it’s like a prize for whoever
gets it in their helping]
4 cloves garlic
1 stalk celery chopped
2 baseball size onions chopped
2 hot dog size carrots chopped
1 green and/or red pepper chopped
Herbs and spices: I always add more than the recipe says
because you can never have too much flavor. So shake in lots of the following [1/8
to ¼ teaspoon depending on your
preference for flavor]: black pepper, marjoram, oregano, parsley, basil, sage,
thyme. If you don’t have them all or want to vary the amounts, it still works.
Salt: You can add salt but to cut down on sodium and high
blood pressure this can be added later by individual eaters to taste.
2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese. Add some feta
cheese if you have some on hand to make it even more Mediterranean!
It makes enough for our family of 6. Happy eating and happy
cooking!
Men’s Spirituality and Sexual Orientation
At the recent Mennonite Church USA convention I happened upon a communion service in the lobby of the convention centre. It was hosted by the “Pink Mennos,” a group of Mennonite Christians hoping for the greater inclusion of gays and lesbians in our churches. I was not really familiar with the group but was invited to participate with a brief explanation of why this was happening in this public space, i.e. they were not welcome to host any events in official church rented space.
I found myself conflicted. I was drawn to participate because it seemed that this is what Jesus would have done. Jesus always seemed drawn to outsiders and those usually not welcome in established religious institutions and they in turn were drawn to him. At the same time I wondered what someone might think back home in my church and college where I teach. I could be guilty by association and cause a lot of controversy. But of course Jesus also got into trouble with the religious leaders for his welcoming attitudes and actions. And so the internal debate went.
Without getting into all the issues that the Mennonite church on both sides of the border is dealing with [and many other denominations], I think my little dilemma asks some important questions about men’s spirituality. Why are heterosexual men so often homophobic? How do gay men threaten our manhood? Is it necessary to be heterosexually active to be a real man? Why are we afraid to embrace homosexual men [physically, spiritually and ecclesiastically]? What does this all this say about male spirituality? How are sexuality and spirituality related?
I did stick around for a few hymns and readings and ate the “bread” offered to me but I stayed on the fringe of the small gathering in my thoughts which I share with you now.
Confessing to my sons
I confessed my sin to my children yesterday. I’m the father of a daughter age 17 and three sons age 21, 19 and 10. Last night both my wife and I had work engagements and left our 10 year old with our two young adult sons who are home for the summer after being away at college.
The first sin was when I got mad at my eldest son for bringing our vehicle back too late meaning that I would now be late for the banquet I was to attend. I drove away without waiting for an explanation and silently seething as well. He could tell I was upset. Punctuality is important to me but my ungraciousness was uncalled for.
Secondly, when i got home they were watching a movie that seemed to be questionable for a 10 year old. My 10 year old son was indeed traumatized by some images and left the room without me asking him to. After comforting him I expressed my disappointment to my older boys and did not give them a chance to explain that they had even checked reviews by “Focus on the Family” to make sure it was appropriate [Obviously even their standards do not ensure a positive experience].
On both occasions I jumped to conclusions and made the most negative judgments about my young adult sons even though on both occasions they had done due diligence to do the right thing even though results were unexpected. They were both hurt by the lack of grace I had shown.
I couldn’t even blame it on a bad day at the office. I simply screwed up and showed ungrace to my responsible and well-meaning sons. I’m thankful for good kids who make good decisions and also make some mistakes for which i need to graciously forgive them as they did for me last night. We cried and embraced and I went to bed forgiven and more at peace than I had been all evening.
When I was a teenager I remember my dad apologizing to me for something he did. It made an impact on me and taught me an important quality that gave me the courage to do the right thing now that I’m a father.
50!
SONNET #50
We pause to contemplate the fifty years
To summon up remembrance of things past
Oh that we could forget the present fears
That the next fifty will go twice as fast
Today we mourn the sagging gut and breast
The ear is muffled and the eyesight dim
Men, they daily pine the sexual fest
While women bear the menopausal grim
Pity then how shall we together fare
While we decline in ways unknown to us
What shall it be: the gym, the car, the dare
Or otherwise revive the youthful lusts?
No, we stare the next half straight in the eye
Embrace the wrinkles, rolls, e’en death and bye!
Despicable Me
I watched the above movie with my kids yesterday. It was not only amusing but I found the transformation of a mean and tough bad man into a tender father rather interesting. It was all because of three young orphan girls. Men are slow to change and it often takes women to help us get there. A real live case in point happened at my place of work recently.
Each year we hand out awards at our college graduation. Most are academic awards that are measured by objective criteria such as GPA but we have one that also lists “leadership abilities” and “Christian character” as requirements. These are more subjective. In the past the top 3 GPA’s have received this award with the assumption that all graduates exemplify these more subjective qualities to some extent. This year we decided to vote on who should receive the award. We chose 3 men from an eligible list of 14 graduates who met the GPA requirements. One of the women on faculty alerted us to the fact that all 3 were male but nothing else was said at the time. The process and the result caused me to do some reflection and research.
Of the 14 candidates, 5 were women, i.e. 1/3. Rightly, one of the three should have been a woman in order to be representative. If we had selected the top 3 GPA’s there would have been 2 women and 1 man. I wondered. We are a faculty of 13 men and 4 women. In our voting for leadership and character qualities were we primarily recognizing male qualities? Are males given more opportunity to practice their leadership gifts on our campus? Are our models of leadership and Christian character based on our male bias that has been around for centuries? I can not help but think this was an underlying, albeit unconscious, factor.
I proceeded to send an email to the faculty about this issue. I received four responses; all from women, and all affirming me for giving voice to something they were feeling. I received not even an acknowledgement from any of my male colleagues. What is it about us? Why did I not clue into this dynamic at the meeting when I had the chance? Despicable me!
It is true that men must figure out men and we must help each other be men, but sometimes we must also listen to the prophetic voices of women and girls in our lives, not only to help them be who God has called them to be but to help us as well. Men can be transformed even if we are slow to respond to the promptings of the Spirit sometimes.