For the uninformed, MOvember has been a custom now for a few years to draw attention to prostate cancer, the most commmon form of cancer among men, and to stand in solidarity with those who have been diagnosed. In my case, I have a brother-in-law as well as a father-in-law who have received treatment and/or surgery for prostate cancer. Another brother-in-law is dying of pancreatic/liver cancer right now. Cancer is a reality for us in North America. It is the great equalizer. It strikes at random and affects all segments of our society.

MOvember is about growing hair while other awareness campaigns have certain colours of ribbons, etc. The growing of extra hair is an interesting phenomenon. I’ve always liked long hair and a beard. When my parents stopped dicatating my hair length and I was able to grow a beard [basically around the same time] I have had long hair and a beard. What is it about hair? Most women of course spend more time grooming their hair than most men do, but hair is a thing for men too! Some of us endure hair loss [My best friend is bald] and in this month it is particularly evident that we grow a wide variety of facial hair configurations.

My colleague and I have sometimes joked that we would like to introduce a new course on the theology of hair. It can represent lots of things for men: rebellion, conformity, status, masculinity, etc. This month it is about solidarity with other men and about awareness of our vulnerability as men.

I found myself conflicted. I was drawn to participate because it seemed that this is what Jesus would have done. Jesus always seemed drawn to outsiders and those usually not welcome in established religious institutions and they in turn were drawn to him. At the same time I wondered what someone might think back home in my church and college where I teach. I could be guilty by association and cause a lot of controversy. But of course Jesus also got into trouble with the religious leaders for his welcoming attitudes and actions. And so the internal debate went.

Without getting into all the issues that the Mennonite church on both sides of the border is dealing with [and many other denominations], I think my little dilemma asks some important questions about men’s spirituality. Why are heterosexual men so often homophobic? How do gay men threaten our manhood? Is it necessary to be heterosexually active to be a real man? Why are we afraid to embrace homosexual men [physically, spiritually and ecclesiastically]? What does this all this say about male spirituality? How are sexuality and spirituality related?

I did stick around for a few hymns and readings and ate the “bread” offered to me but I stayed on the fringe of the small gathering in my thoughts which I share with you now.

The first sin was when I got mad at my eldest son for bringing our vehicle back too late meaning that I would now be late for the banquet I was to attend. I drove away without waiting for an explanation and silently seething as well. He could tell I was upset. Punctuality is important to me but my ungraciousness was uncalled for.

Secondly, when i got home they were watching a movie that seemed to be questionable for a 10 year old. My 10 year old son was indeed traumatized by some images and left the room without me asking him to. After comforting him I expressed my disappointment to my older boys and did not give them a chance to explain that they had even checked reviews by “Focus on the Family” to make sure it was appropriate [Obviously even their standards do not ensure a positive experience].

On both occasions I jumped to conclusions and made the most negative judgments about my young adult sons even though on both occasions they had done due diligence to do the right thing even though results were unexpected. They were both hurt by the lack of grace I had shown.

I couldn’t even blame it on a bad day at the office. I simply screwed up and showed ungrace to my responsible and well-meaning sons. I’m thankful for good kids who make good decisions and also make some mistakes for which i need to graciously forgive them as they did for me last night. We cried and embraced and I went to bed forgiven and more at peace than I had been all evening. 

When I was a teenager I remember my dad apologizing to me for something he did. It made an impact on me and taught me an important quality that gave me the courage to do the right thing now that I’m a father.

Each year we hand out awards at our college graduation. Most are academic awards that are measured by objective criteria such as GPA but we have one that also lists “leadership abilities” and “Christian character” as requirements. These are more subjective. In the past the top 3 GPA’s have received this award with the assumption that all graduates exemplify these more subjective qualities to some extent. This year we decided to vote on who should receive the award. We chose 3 men from an eligible list of 14 graduates who met the GPA requirements. One of the women on faculty alerted us to the fact that all 3 were male but nothing else was said at the time. The process and the result caused me to do some reflection and research.

Of the 14 candidates, 5 were women, i.e. 1/3. Rightly, one of the three should have been a woman in order to be representative. If we had selected the top 3 GPA’s there would have been 2 women and 1 man. I wondered. We are a faculty of 13 men and 4 women. In our voting for leadership and character qualities were we primarily recognizing male qualities? Are males given more opportunity to practice their leadership gifts on our campus? Are our models of leadership and Christian character based on our male bias that has been around for centuries? I can not help but think this was an underlying, albeit unconscious, factor.

I proceeded to send an email to the faculty about this issue. I received four responses; all from women, and all affirming me for giving voice to something they were feeling. I received not even an acknowledgement from any of my male colleagues. What is it about us? Why did I not clue into this dynamic at the meeting when I had the chance? Despicable me!

It is true that men must figure out men and we must help each other be men, but sometimes we must also listen to the prophetic voices of women and girls in our lives, not only to help them be who God has called them to be but to help us as well. Men can be transformed even if we are slow to respond to the promptings of the Spirit sometimes.

Competition, like power, is not necessarily about domination and defeat of the opponent. J. Denny Weaver, most known for his writing and teaching of peace theology, is also a huge sports fan and has been a competitive athlete. He says that “competitive sports are explicitly cooperative endeavours. That cooperation is significant, since higher levels of achievement come only through the spur of competitive play. Thus opponents are actually assisting each other to improve their level of play, with each athlete pushing the other to his or her highest level. Competition requires and assumes real cooperation.” If winning is an end in itself, if there is intent to injure or the opponent is dehumanized then competition can be harmful, but it need not be that way. Even highly physical sports that involve checking, tackling or grappling can be ways to build our bodily selves, express our physicality in a healthy and self-controlled way and even help our competitors. Men are whole creatures and the unpredictability, physical exertion and sheer enjoyment of competitive sports can be a healthy expression of our spirituality.